In spite of doubt, oli on (week one)

 "Yet despite fear and doubt, wrote Rollo May in The Courage to Create, we must make the leap, plunge in, begin. "The relationship between commitment and doubt is by no means an antagonistic one," he points out. "Commitment is healthiest when it is not without doubt, but in spite of doubt."" - from Myth & Moor

OR

"A huge thing in ritual (is) ... If you haven't identified the sacrifice, you have left that to the universe." - Kekuhi Kanaka'ole Kanahele, from my notes Oli Honua Workshop, April, 2021

Spring has come to Whidbey Island. Bright sun. Warm Days. Starry nights with the brilliant Ku phases of the Moon to remind us our ancestors are watching. 

Yesterday was one of those bet-we'll-remember-this sort of days. It began in the morning with my first live oli (chant) zoom session. Fridays (yesterday) are live chant times with Kekuhi Kanaka'ole Kanahele from Panaewa on the island of Hawaii.  All week long I have been watching, practicing, and learning what oli is. I am a Hawaiian woman, but, I was not born a Hawaii language speaker, nor have I been trained to listen to the sounds of my mother's native tongue. After the first 90 minutes of live chant, and live listening to the chants from most of the 96 participants/learners, I am humbled to be: a beginner. 

Beginner's mind. Being open to receive feedback (Kekuhi is firm about creating an environment of super support. Not criticism.) I listened when Kekuhi said, "Moki," when I had chanted ... she chanted three lines, one at a time and I repeated them. My ear and my mouth are not ma'a (used to) the subtleties of Hawaiian alphabet, and I'm a little kuli (deaf) in one ear. I get used to 'filling in the blanks' or 'tune-out' what I don't want to hear in a language that I've cultivated all my life. American. But this adventure with the language, and the culture of my childhood comes with some very different incentives, and challenges. I so want to discover, for myself, what the meaning of the Hawaii language, spoken 'correctly' will attract when chanted. I also recognize that the culture and language that I have cultivated is counter the Hawaii life ways.

Participating in this month-long class is my way to say to the universe: "I am here to align myself, and ask my hundreds of thousands of gods and goddesses, to put me in the flow for where I need to be at this time."  As chanters, we are being taught that we are SOLELY responsible for what we chant; the words and meaning are our responsibility. In one week we were given two of the simplest chants to begin; one of them was the first chant I learned many years ago. 

During the past week I have found:

1. new meaning to words some of them I thought I already knew; others I knew I didn't know (by looking them up in the Hawaiian Dictionary)

2. I have been pronouncing a few key words incorrectly. 

3. Even when we are practicing the chants, we are chanting. .

4. Something else I heard in the lessons this week is "If you don't you know you don't know .... oooohhh ... there's where we get" Kekuhi searched for the English translation of a Hawaiian word she knew by heart, and finally said, "we get chaos." Well, there I was; a clue was gathered. Ha, I had given the lead to the Universe because I did not set my intention clearly. And, didn't know I didn't know what I was chanting.

5. Now? I know I don't know and take the steps to clarify and develop more comfortability. I keep going.

Before dusk Pete and I prepared for a Friday night date. At the drive-in. Blue Fox Drive-in in Oak Harbor, north of us on Whidbey Island has been operating since 1968. It seems the drive-in has found its niche again, sixty years later. We loved it! 

 

We watched two super movies from Seattle Indigenous Film Festival 

Fruits of  Labor

The Song of the Butterflies  

The links above will take you to websites that describe and share clips and more information about the films. We consider ourselves so very very fortunate to have been at Blue Fox Drive-in Theater to watch the films for free; in the flow with our ancestors for sure! 

From both files I am reinforced with the fact that many many people work very very hard to create the lives they feel are worth living. Fruits of Labor revealed what women -- mothers and daughters -- do to make it possible for us to buy the strawberries we buy at markets. What sacrifice and what rewards? Both films affirmed the value of being connected with the voice and heartbeat of their ancestors. Films, like this one, document real lives recorded by indigenous artists; the storytelling is done by those who live the 'knowing.'  

The Song of the Butterflies made me soar and wail from the beauty of artist's paintings and the stories of his ancestors' near-extinction because the whites wanted rubber for the tires on Henry Ford's automobiles.

" Rember Yahuarcani is an Indigenous painter from the White Heron clan of the Uitoto Nation in Peru. Leaving his community and family behind, he pursues his painting career in Lima. But when he finds himself creatively blocked, he realizes he must return to his Amazonian community of Pebas to visit his family, in hopes that his father, a painter, and his mother, a sculptor, can help him find his way back to creating..." - from Hot Docs Film Festival website

I absorbed the messages, images and stories told in the films while Pete absorbed most of them through his 'sleeping man' position; a position I learned about years ago when he was a very busy working man on a weekend date. This was familiar endearing the man to me anew. 

Our life together, tall lean white working man and short round brown woman is perhaps the universe's answer to the prayers and oli we have chanted, and continue to learn to chant together and individually. We come from two very different beginnings and without doubt the story we create together weaves a different present and hopefully a different future.

Lastly, I opened the coursework from my Oli Honua online class to read comments and replies from learners and our teacher. I found this comment from Kekuhi very meaninful to me:

"you know, there was a time when speaking the language of the sacred (to me energy & vibration are sacred) was not acceptable. we are NOW in the space & time...that this language must be taught more widely"

I responded with this, 

" This is such a meaningful statement. My mind and my mouth are feeling the years of 'constraint' and my ears have chance now to loosen the deafness to the sounds ... to uncultivate my American years. lucky I live now:)"

And truly, what luck. What was hidden isn't!  The reason for this current form of information sharing (learning oli via the internet) is so I/we can share what we learn with our family, in personal rituals; with our community in venues of sharing. For me, that means the quality of my blog posts include what I learn. 

Oli on.