UNfastening the Safety Pins

A shift is taking place within me. Perhaps weaning from and replacing the stint on my heart with invisible yet powerful mothering plant people has a part in it. And maybe the release of the captive anger that simmered so long in my liver; such a huge organ that 'translates' every food, attitude and conversation. Being angry when I am; so different than being angry all the time. 

Perhaps this quote from Sylvia Townsend Warner has translated itself into the many dreams I have about clothes, closets of longed for pretty things, scenes where I am dressed or changing into ... :

"I think as one grows older one is appallingly exposed to wearing life instead of living it. Habit physical deterioration and a slower digestion of our experiences, all tend to make one look on one's dear life as a garment, a dressing gown, a raincoat, a uniform, buttoned on with recurrent daily[tasks]." - The Letters of Sylvia Townsend Warner, William Maxwell quoted in the book The Second Half of Life, Angeles Arrien

A simpler explanation is I am unfastening safety pins. 

I notice there are fewer of them now, and where once I had dozens of them and still see evidence of their large and useful handiwork there are only smaller pins and they are not quite so useful at this stage. Going to our local crafts store is not as easy as it once was; and that's all right with me. 

Holding things together has a changing meaning to me. And rather than holding my breath I let it go and head for the north node of the moon -- in my case -- Taurus in the 5th House. If astrology is not a language you speak let's see if this helps:

It's a retrograde but it's such a great 'capture' of safety pins unfastened, and feeding my north node. 

.

Playing. That's what the 5th House is about.

Good at nourishing and nurturing reliable tools. That's what Taurus is about.

North Node. That's what a person heads toward to learn something(s) they weren't born good at; but will be nourished in satisfying ways.

Twelve years of showing up, making do, moving the safety pins and power struggling to survive? That's long enough. My North Node is calling to me, "Come on. Let's play. Give it up that do right diddle do right stuff." 

So much of what we do/I do, is habit. And the fears come from habit. Maybe my heart, and soul just don't really care to keep saving the world from it's ills. (so much) Maybe the moments of joy and love of a real and truly wonderful child, and his child, and his family is just the Taurus (home) in the 5th House (joy and children) needs now. To get there? I'm gonna need to release the energy of all those safety pins fastened tight.

"Carter Lanakila! I saw you loving your Tutu playing in the snow. I saw you laughing at your Tutu trying to catch snow flakes on her tongue. That was for you keiki boy. What fun!!"

"Ping. Ping. Ping."

"Did you hear that?"

"The sound of safety pins coming undone."

"You showed me how to do that. Let's do it some more."

xo 💗💗💗💗Tutu